Do our friends ignore us or, at least, that is what we believe? Friendship relationships are different between people. Some need to see their friends or talk to them almost daily. However, for others to be present at Christmas dinner is enough. However, when we ask ourselves this question it is because we feel that something is not right.
The truth is that relationships change . It does not matter if these are friendship, family or couple. The reasons why this happens are several: experiences, change of residence, lack of contact … Therefore, we have to avoid mythifying the principle of a relationship: perhaps in those moments the most intense moments occur, however this does not determine that be the best
Now, what we can ask ourselves is whether the relationship has evolved to a point where it has ceased to be recognizable or has begun to harm us . This thread of reflection will be the facilitator of an intelligent response to how we feel about our perception of the current relationship.
Do our friends ignore us or is it our perception?
Hard answer sometimes, right? Maybe we think our friends ignore us, but is it really that way? Let’s see some situations that can make us choose this candy and start going around and around in our cauldron of thoughts:
We have a job that, far from filling us, empties us completely : we get so bored and we are so many hours at work that, when we leave, we want to stay with friends. However, their schedules do not coincide with ours and we believe that they give us long or that they ignore us when, in reality, there is only one time incompatibility.
We wait for them to take the first step : maybe because we always say we’re staying and we’re tired of this being the case. But when we say nothing, there is a silence on the part of our friends that makes us feel very lonely.
We do not understand that they have other priorities : when our friends have a partner or they start having children, the priorities are not so much with friends anymore. So, maybe they do not ignore us, just the lack of time and their responsibilities make us not a priority for them.
What we must be clear about is that, as the study on the value of friendship and its potential conflict with morality correctly points out . A review of the contemporary debate “friendship implies a relationship of affection and mutual care”. If we feel that only we give in the relationship and we do not receive, it is necessary to communicate it.
Over the years, the word “friendship” changes for many of our friends. Their priorities begin to be others and that distance can be felt by us as “they are ignoring me”.
The importance of expressing what we feel
Instead of drowning in a glass of water, of lamenting and feeling bad, why do not we tell our friends instead that we feel they are ignoring us? Perhaps, the answer we receive makes us understand many of the circumstances that we have mentioned above.
Although, it is very possible that we also find phrases such as “is that I have made new friends” or “we have distanced ourselves and the relationship is no longer the same”. However, we will have an answer and we can, as long as the other person does his / her part, retake the relationship / update or decide to turn the page .
Does friendship make sense?
With all this, we pay attention to those situations in which our friends ignore us because they no longer want to stay with us because they believe that we do not contribute anything, but they do not tell us. For this, it is very important that we observe how they act from the moment in which we express what we feel and commit to staying more often or making plans at least once a month.
We have to understand what it costs to tell the truth. This also happens to us in certain circumstances, only when it directly affects us, it bothers us that those people with whom we have had so much confidence do not know how to tell us that shared friendship is giving them little or very little .
Observe what happens will give us the clues to decide whether to invest more in a relationship or, on the contrary, close it . This skill is part of our social intelligence. An intelligence that, like the emotional, has been ignored for a long time, despite how good it is as a predictor of our success.
As we have seen, communication, given the feeling that our friends ignore us, is going to give us enough information to use the intelligence we are talking about. In addition, being good at reading and interpreting well the communication of the other will make the task much easier. Finally, highlight that these moments of met relation (in which you think and talk about the relationship), well managed, often serve to stimulate and strengthen the quality of the link.